What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.