What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.