I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.