What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys