What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.