Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
All stereos are so typical.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.