After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.