What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.