Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
All stereos are so typical.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh