What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers