Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.