Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun