Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.