The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.