Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.