What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
All stereos are so typical.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.