What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?