I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.