I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
All stereos are so typical.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.