Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.