Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum