You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”