Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.