I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.