Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating