I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.