I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!