What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."