What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.