I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.