I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.