What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin