I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.