Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.