I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
All stereos are so typical.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.