How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.