What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.