Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.