Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!