What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!