What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.