What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.