You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!