Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"