What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.