Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.