Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar