What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat