Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.