Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."