Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.