Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."