What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.