Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!