Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.