How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.