What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
To get to the other tide.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.