What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.