Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.