These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.