If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.