What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
To get to the other tide.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.