I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
To get to the other tide.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.