Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.