What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!