If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.