Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.