In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.