Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!