What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.