Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.