When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.