I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.