Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.