To get to the other tide.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome