What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.