If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination