Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.