What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
To get to the other tide.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.