What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"