What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone