How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!