Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times