When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!