What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!