I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.