I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.