A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
To get to the other tide.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
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