What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?