When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?