Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.