It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.