Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
To get to the other tide.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.