What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code