I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.