A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.