What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."