What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.