Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.