A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.