What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!