If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!