Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!