Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.