Touch Jokes

After bidding farewell to my neurosurgeon friend, we promised that we would grey in touch!
Up for some action? I can finish with one touch.
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
If you shave your legs as well as that fennel, I can't wait to touch them.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”

- Jarod Kintz.
Do you play the guitar? Because you can touch strings of my heart
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
A Frog Outta Luck There's a frog who has a unique kink: He falls in love with human girls. Of course, no human girl will touch him. Desperate, he goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."  The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"  "No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
I went to an art gallery and noticed that all the info was also available in braille.
Nice touch.
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
I'm Sneaky Bill, I'm terrible and mean and vicious,
I steal all the cashews
from the mixed-nut dishes.
I eat all the icing but I won't touch the cake,
And what you won't give me,
I'll go ahead and take.
I gobble up the cherries from everyone's drinks,
And whenever there are sausages
I grab a dozen links;
I take both drumsticks if
there's turkey or chicken,
And the biggest strawberries
are what I'm pickin';
I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate,
And I'll eat the portions of anyone's who's late.
I'm always on the spot before the dinner bell--
I guess I'm pretty awful
but
I
do
eat
well!

(William Cole)
“It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”

- Jr. Williams.
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy