In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
All farts...are laughing gas.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.