Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.