A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection