jim gaffigan Posts

Joke: All the Excuses

“Can’t do that either,” Jim replies, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Okay,” the cop answers. “Then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim. “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”

Joke: The Logic of Being Logical...

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers. Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college.

Have You Heard This Joke? An Easy Ride...

Jim nodded his head. “Fine with me. Can I take him for a test run?” John agrees. A few minutes later, Jim is having the time of his life, thinking to himself that the horse sure could run fast. As he speeds down a dirt road, he panics as he realizes there's a cliff-edge fast approaching. "Stop!"

Have You Heard This One? A Smart Horse...

Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?” "Sure, have fun!" Jim went on a gallop and was having the time of his life. "This horse sure can run." He thought to himself. He was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead. “STOP!”

Who On Earth Does He Think He Is? (Hilarious Joke)

Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven.

Have You Heard This Joke? How To Avoid Being Breathalyzed!

“Can’t do that either,” Jim replies, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Okay,” the cop answers. “Then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim. “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”

Have You Heard This One? The Miracle Bread! (Rude)

Every morning, I sit on the same park bench and chat to my friend, Jim, who’s a full seven years older than me. I’ve always wondered where he gets all his stamina from – he goes for a jog each day without fail, before meeting me. And, amazingly, he’s never out of breath.

Have You Heard This One? You're Lacking Some Intelligence

Joe and his buddy Jim were known around town as a little less than clever, when they weren't drunk, that is. One day, digging a ditch, while their foreman sits on a lawn chair in the shade, drinking lemonade. It's a hot day, and Joe starts wondering why the foreman isn't doing any of the work.

This Joke Starts With a Woman Speaking to a Congregation

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers, and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation: "I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month.

Joke: She's Got BIG NEWS to Share...

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers, and bared her soul to the enraptured congregation: "I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month.

Collecting Collections - Fascinating Photos!

American photographer Jim Golden decided to peek into the world of collectors, and make a series of photos that explain, in one photo, the spirit of the collection. It may sound strange, but the results are both fascinating and beautiful! The scissors collection that started it all...