Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York? Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill. This isn't for any religious reason. They just haven’t been able to find Three Wise Men in DC. A search for a virgin was also fruitless. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
An Elderly Man and a Young Woman at a Bar
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking.
They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment.
After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both lying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking... "Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her."
The old lady is thinking... "Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties."
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine? Sounds like an inoculate conception.
The Italian Mama
Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin.
On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta." says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
What do you call a virgin on a water bed? A cherry float.
Why does no one die a virgin? Because life f**ks us all.
What do you call an afghan virgin Mever bin laid on
A son says to his mother one day, “Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I’m still a virgin.” His mother replied, “Well, start giving them bad grades and they’ll stop.”
What does a balloon and a virgin have in common? One prick and their done.
Where does Extra Extra Virgin Olive Oil come from? Really ugly olives.
What do you call an afghan virgin - Never Bin Laid On.
What do you call a 13 year old girl from Alabama who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin.
Tiger Woods once visited the Virgin Islands They are now just called the Islands.
They told me that god and chocolate are great ways to substitute se*. Now, I'm both a Nun and a virgin and I have diabetes.
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