Third Jokes

People call me the bar stool because of my third leg.
I was just reading an article called "10 most scenic runs"... the third one was with you!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
You know, I've never needed a third base coach to wave me home.
One mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock."
Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives.
The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door."
The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones."
The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
Why was the shy guy terrible at baseball?
He never got to third base.
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
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