Plate Jokes

I'm Sneaky Bill, I'm terrible and mean and vicious,
I steal all the cashews
from the mixed-nut dishes.
I eat all the icing but I won't touch the cake,
And what you won't give me,
I'll go ahead and take.
I gobble up the cherries from everyone's drinks,
And whenever there are sausages
I grab a dozen links;
I take both drumsticks if
there's turkey or chicken,
And the biggest strawberries
are what I'm pickin';
I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate,
And I'll eat the portions of anyone's who's late.
I'm always on the spot before the dinner bell--
I guess I'm pretty awful

(William Cole)
"My wife had us register for fine china, because you never know when the Pope is going to swing by and want a microwaved hot dog on a $200 plate." — Jim Gaffigan
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
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