Onion

An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Are you an onion? Cause I want to peel your layers.
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